My challenge this week... dumping and being dumped. I have no idea where to start to be honest as (in the interest of my 'awesome' themed blog) there is literally nothing awesome about being dumped so today we cover the best ways to dump someone.
Let's think about the line... there's always an 'it's not you it's me' line. You'd like to think that you're not that cliché but let's face it, it happens. Here are a few of my favourite one liners...
Answering machine: "Hi, I'm not home right now, If you're Jerry, hang up, if you are any other available male, press two now."
Text message: Dear Baby: Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: YOU
If I have to sell my body to get the money to divorce you, I will!
Remember when I asked you out?? Well.... I was talking to the guy behind you!
It's not you...it's me...well ok..it is you.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, sob, sob, I know what you did you ~*@#!!!! WAAAAAAAAAH! I hate you! Then you run away, (but it works best if he didn't do anything).
Send them your obituary.
I want a baby.
Look at my horoscope! "...a new love in your life..." Well, gotta follow my guiding star...
Forget bothering with actually dumping him/her, just sign up to the witness protection program and never speak to them again.
How have I done it? Well there's been text message, phone calls, crowded restaurants, getting friends to tell them, but - after being with my ex for 7 years it was simple and finding out he'd been unfaithful - Punch them in the nose and throw them out. Yep... I actually did that. I feel quite proud to be honest. That people is awesome. Case Closed. Next.....
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